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Defiant 13yo with Major Issues, Help!

~ Anonymous

I have a 14 year old that is becoming very defiant. So far her grades are decent b-c range (she doesn't have to try hard to make good grades). My problem is lack of respect but, mostly GUYS and sexual activity. We had an issue over the summer when she snuck off several times(had sex at least once). Legal action was taken against that 19 year old. For a few months we coasted along and thought maybe she'd learned a lesson BUT yesterday she slipped off before I came home from work with a boy (either 17 or 18) and came back with hickies. I'm hearing they had sex. What can I do? She has no phone, will have no company, will not go anywhere and I've told her not to even ask -- I'll tell her when I feel she is ready for restrictions to be lifted. I can NOT quit work. What do you do?? We've talked about STDs and also the reputation she is building but the behavior continues. My Christian friends tell me that I probably won't be a friend in her eyes for a long time. Teens say "you don't care and you don't listen". Their definition of caring seems to be giving them their way and there can be so little done with that perception.

Comments:
Personally I have not had to deal with a daughter going off and having sex, thankfully my oldest is not yet interested in boys. My first question that comes up is if you are involved in church. If so, do you have a youth minister that is trained. (An ordained minister that has gone through the schooling) He may be able to provide some help in this area, especially if she trusts him. The True Love Waits bible study can help, it teached why we should wait, and it's not just because God says to. ( Why True Love Waits )

With the respect issue, reading The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian really helped me with my oldest. She's had a hard time adapting to some of the things going on in our house and lashes out. Rather than me lose my cool and yell and scream that she respect me, I pray. (Honestly, when we try to force our kids to respect us it just makes things worse in the long run.) Prayer is a major thing. I will be praying for you and praying that God gives the answers that you need.
~ Faith
 
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