Parents have Questions and Parents have Answers

You have had a hard week, Janey won't behave at school, Johnny wants a later curfew. You don't know what to do. Is anybody else out there dealing with what you are? Parents are the best people to get advice from for parents. A group of peers is a wonderful thing. We can learn from each other and help each other.
Blog Feed
Escaping This World

Our Info
About Us
Contact Us
Link to Us


What's New
In The News
Kid's Corner
Parents Corner
Prayer Room

Contact Us

Just 5 Minutes Daily Devotional Podcast

Powered by Blogger

Top : Parents Asking Parents

What to do about my tween?

~ anonymous

My 10yo thinks she can do what ever she wants regardless of consequence, I have been trying to teach her otherwise for months if not years to no avail.

Our most recent problem is she won't do her school work and she thinks she has to boss everybody around. All the books I have read and advice I have gotten does not help.

When it comes to her school work, the advice is to let her fail. Instead of threatening her that she will fail school to let her, that way she learns. I find it rather hard to do that. Aren't we responsible for our children if they don't do well in school? It's not like she has a learning problem. She is very smart she just refuses to try or she just rushes through everything.

With her bossing everybody around I think it's because she is the oldest of 3. We correct her but, after a few minutes she is right back bossing.


Sister, first let me say that I know how you feel. I have an 11 1/2 year old girl. She is the oldest of three also. At this age they are between being a young adult and a child. It can be very confusing for them. Along with that they also begin to feel like they don't want someone bossing them around like they are still a child. But you must. All the advice about letting your child fail is hog-wash. What you must do is pray and pray a lot. Also set aside some time when you can interact one on one with your tween, help her understand her homework and sit with her while she accomplishes this. Never are we alone in life. Do you think Jesus sits on the sidelines while we go through our troubles? No. Praise Jesus that he is there with us. So my advice to you is to stick it out, pray alot, and get involved in your childs learning. Maybe the involvement from you is exactly what she needs for her own self-esteem. But when you do sit down with her...don't focus on the negative but focus on the positive.

~ Mandi

(existing comment from former system)
Parenting is an important job! Reading that you "correct her but, after a few minutes she is right back bossing" shows me that you are not using all 4 steps of discipling found in II Timothy 3:16 and 17. I have a free ebook - no strings attached, you don't even need an email to get it! You can find this help at:

God bless you in your important job as parent!
I have neice at this age and keep her most of the time. What people are telling you about letting her fail is true but needs some defining as well. The prodigal son has many lessons. It is the story of true tough love and the love of God. Let her fail at things she thinks she knows best about as long as they do not physically hurt her. But be there after she fails and realizes it is her fault alone because you did try to tell her. Tough love is taught to let kids run wild, pay the consequences, and do it all alone. I believe God even shows us the same tough love in the prodigal son. We make our own free choices, reap the consequences, but find comfort in God when we realize our mistakes.

I am the oldest of 3 children and went through the bossy stage too. Keep reminding her that she is not responsible for every one in the house younger than her, just herself and she is not doing a good job at that. When she bosses the others just remind them that she is not the boss and does not have to follow her orders. Talk about respect with her. Also remember that hormones are starting to really rage and there is transformation from child to teen here. Stay with her and never throw your hands in the air. I pray for you in your walk down an uncharted path in your home.
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

Ask your question here.
We will post at least one question a month and have readers answer it. The answers will be posted in the comments area after the question is posted. We will save them in our archives so you can also look through past questions.

We will only use your first name when posting questions and we will not share your email address.

Your Name :
Your Email :
Your Question :
Would you like to sign up for our monthly newsletter? YES

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Top : Parents Asking Parents

Copyright © 1999 - 2013 Parents For Christ and it licensees. All rights reserved. Parents For Christ is maintained by Jeff & Faith Johnson. Terms of Use/Disclaimer/Privacy Policy