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Top : Parents Asking Parents

Where did my little girl go?

Please, Please, Please help me with my 16 year old! For 3 years now she's failed her classes, she doesn't take responsiblity for her actions. She doesn't think she's wrong about anything and she is so angry all of the time and negative and verbally abusive. Where did my little girl go?
~ Mary

Does she see nothing to work towards? Does she have no goals? 3 years is a long time to just give up. Take her out and have adult conversation. Since she is not wrong in anything do not be accusing -- will only cause a seen in public. Ask her about where she wants to be in 2 years and what it will take to get there. Help her come up with a plan to get there. Maybe something has happened that you unaware of. If she is dating speak with her about this. Find out if anything is bothering her. Ask her how she thinks yuou could be a better parent? Does not mean you are not, but get her perspective. There on line schools to help her if she is behind in her high school credits. She may be having difficulty in school and ashamed to ask. High school is very differnt than middle school. Ask her to write you a letter and say things she could never say to your face. THe terms of this letter could be that you will not yell at her over this or expect to sit with her and discuss the letter word for word.
I've found that anger in my own daughter, is an outward expression of inward turmoil. In order for her to open up to you, she has to feel that you are listening. Hug her, tell her some positive things about herself, that you admire..spend some one on one time with her, with no agenda..pull her in close for a little while..I find by looking in my daughter's eyes, and really connecting to her..she will open up. It sounds to me like something has happened, that she's not told you..was there a major event that took place, when she began failing in school? Is she getting all "negative" feedback from teachers at school? Could she have been pressured by peers into doing something?? daughter had behaved like you have described in the past, and lots of her anger and lashing out was stemming from pent up frustration with her relationship with her father..If you don't feel like she will open up and talk to you, perhaps a counselor??..BEST OF LUCK...I will be praying for you..
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