September 2002
My Sara begins kindergarten this month. Let me rephrase…my BABY begins kindergarten this month. I have one foot in the school-aged-child season of life, and one firmly planted for one more year in the ‘mother of preschooler’ role (thanks to my other ‘baby’, 4-year-old Jack).
I am not ready for this. At all. Sara, on the other hand, has been counting down the days since May. In fact, on her last day of preschool, she thought I was driving her directly over to her new school to be dropped off. This girl is ready. Let me repeat – I am not.
I am convinced that I gave birth to her, like, yesterday or so. And I am equally convinced that time is deceptive. When you’re in the midst of ‘one of those days’ – you know, diapers that aren’t staying on and juice that isn’t remaining in the cup and whines that make you want to lock yourself in the closet – time seems to stand still and you are swayed into thinking that you will be a mother of a toddler for the rest of your days. But then you blink, and you’re walking your child up the front steps of his or her school for the first time, wishing them well, while tears stream down your cheeks. When it’s hard, time drags. When things are good and sweet, time does more than fly…it flees.
And can I tell you – I am stepping out of the sweetest time in my life, hands down. Life was nuts and childlike and crazy and loud and chaotic…and gentle and precious and calm and soft and slow and just plain good.
God met me here in a new way. In many new ways. I still wake up sometimes forgetting that I am the mommy now. That I am the grown up. But I’m never far from the realization that I’m under no obligation to mommy on my own. Thank goodness. God was never far from me.
And, I have a sweet suspicion that He won’t be far from me in this new season either. I just need to be looking for Him.
© Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2002
Elisabeth K. Corcoran is the author of Calm in My Chaos: Encouragement for a Mom's Weary Soul . This column is original and not excerpted from her book.
posted on 12:18 PM
