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If you are finding yourself struggling to stumble upon time to be with God, please let me encourage you that at this season of mothering, you will not just find time…you must make time. And trust me – it will be so worth it if you do. Here are some ideas to start you in the right direction on a renewed journey with God…
“If you are weary of some sleepy form of devotion, probably God is as weary of it as you are.” ~Frank Laubach~
Set the mood: Set aside 10-15 minutes ALONE (more if you can) Have your Bible, a notebook and pencil handy Light a candle, play some worship music Begin your time with a prayer that the Spirit guide you in your time with God
Appointment #1 In your notebook, answer these questions as honestly as you can: How would you describe your spiritual walk? Where would you like to be? What do you struggle with the most? What questions do you keep coming up against spiritually (if any)? If you could change one aspect of how you live out your Christianity, what would it be?
Appointment #2 Read John 1 In your notebook, write down any thoughts you have about this chapter Write down what you learn about Jesus here
Appointment #3 -In your notebook, finish these sentences: When I think of God the Father, I… When I think of God the Son, I… When I think of God the Spirit, I…
Jesus said, “But the Helper will teach you everything and will cause you to remember all that I told you. This Helper is the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My Name.” ~John 14:26~
Appointment #4 In your notebook: List the temptations that you face Brainstorm what you could do to better resist them
Appointment #5 Read Philippians chapters 1 & 2:1-18 In your notebook, write down any thoughts you have about this chapter Write down what you learn about Jesus here
Appointment #6 Read James 3:1-18 Write down your thoughts on prayer from this passage Where are you at? I love to pray I like to pray I struggle with prayer Prayer? What’s that? Why do you think you checked the box that you checked?
Recommended reading: New Christian’s Handbook – Max Anders The Life You’ve Always Wanted – John Ortberg Sacred Romance – Brent Curtis & John Eldredge
If I were to ask you to picture your closest friend, does one particular person come to mind? Is it a female??? I would like to share a lesson with you that I am currently working on…our husbands are our friends. Some of you may be thinking, ‘Duh? Of course he is…that’s why I married him.’ But is he really? And if he isn’t, why not? Are you possibly the hindrance in the friendship? I read somewhere that you are your husband’s best friend. Even if you can’t picture that, look around his life – more than likely he is sharing more with you and depending more on you than he is anyone else. For him, you’re it! What are you doing on your end to be his friend?
A girlfriend was sharing with me how she noticed that when she talks on the phone with her husband, she was matter-of-fact and curt, even showing disappointment with him. But that when she talked with her girlfriends on the phone, she was lighthearted and kind. I asked my husband a while back what I could do in our marriage for him to be happy. His answer (that cut through my heart and pride), ‘be nice to me’. Ouch. Why is it that we forget so quickly that the guy we married – you know, the one we eat with, sleep with, spend with, worship with, have kids with – is actually our friend?
So here is something I am currently working on --- I have resolved to myself just recently that I will share with Kevin first. I’m not just referring to stuff about Kevin or our marriage, but church stuff, friend stuff, things I’m struggling with. If I haven’t shared it with Kevin, I won’t share it with anyone else.
As far as specific marital problems go – please don’t share these with all of your friends. Either seek out counseling if it’s serious enough or if you just feel stuck, or find a woman you can trust who can mentor you in your marriage. Don’t allow yourself to get together with your girlfriends and husband-bash. It really does no one any good.
So bottom line - ladies, we need to go to our husbands first. Your husband needs to be the most important person in your life. And I don’t say this lightly - no matter the state of your marriage relationship. We are called to be wives before and long after our calling to mothering…so please commit with me to make this a priority in your heart and with your time.
I think women are absolutely incredible. I believe that God loves women and had a wonderful time creating each one of us. Once God made us and saw what He’d done, He was pleased…very pleased.
Just listen to all of the ways women were used by God throughout Scripture...the first miracle was at the request of Jesus’ mother; the first declaration of Messiah-ship was to the woman at the well; Jesus actually spoke in public to Mary & Martha (which was huge back then); Mary Magdalene was the first to see Jesus after the resurrection; and He chose to let her tell the disciples of the resurrection.
Also, I asked a few of my friends to give me some of their favorite reasons for being a girl and here’s what they said:
Having an excuse to change my mind as much as I want Being born with the incredible skill of multi-tasking Being able to discern and understand men better than they understand themselves Getting to participate in "girl talk" Men open doors and pick up heavy stuff for us (most of the time) I believe God has given females an extra sense of awareness and sensitivity to others: I like that and can use it to encourage others when they are in need. I like being part of the gender considered to be the more responsible and committed. (This is one I didn’t know…) In developing countries, groups giving small loans aiding poor families, only give to women. They have discovered from past experience, that women faithfully pay back their loans, men often do not. Go girls! I personally like not having to "go out and earn a living" (though I think I'm "earning my keep" by being at home, no doubt!) One of my friends said: I like being a girl so that I can do GIRLIE stuff. Like, arranging flowers and giving hugs to the people I love, even if we're in public, and trying to look pretty... BUT, being a tomboy if I wanna, too. Climbing hills and exploring streams, driving really fast around curves, and having spitting contests.
And, my favorite reason of all…we are the privileged ones who get to give birth! Yay us! (Yes, ladies - it is a privilege!)
In processing all of this, I believe we should love being a woman. Do you? Do you sometimes struggle with seeing only your perceived limitations? Or can you catch a glimpse of the freedom that we have?
These are some tips that I gleaned from some of the women of my home church, Blackberry Creek, in Aurora, Illinois.
Spiritual & Emotional:
First things first – you won’t find time to spend with God. You will need to make time – do it. His patience, love and strength will help in transforming you to be the mother you (and He) want you to be. Risking sounding like a cliché, this time will not last forever. Begin training your mind and heart to freeze these special moments so you can bring them back to your memory when this baby gets bigger. Time flies when you’re in love. Trust me. When you feel a little resentful that your husband’s life hasn’t seemed to be affected by the new bundle, realize that you are only jealous that you can’t do what he still can (i.e. get up and read the Sunday paper – if you can get up, it will be to nurse the baby!). Go ahead and grieve the loss of freedom that you once had. Go ahead and get it over with so that you can willingly embrace the “bond”-age of the little life before you. Don’t let her steal your time, sleep, space – give it to her willingly! It will make you feel like a life-giver (which is what or who you are) instead of a life-saver (which is not as much fun, and much more draining).
Mommy Care:
Rest. I mean, really rest. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your baby. Put your feet up during feedings. Take some deep breaths. When the baby sleeps, take a nap or lie down. The first few weeks is a huge time of healing for your body. Don’t push it. Allow other people to pamper you. And if someone offers to help, actually give them something little to do. Do something nice for yourself everyday - take a bubble bath, order take-out, read your favorite magazine or book for 15 minutes or so, and of course, sleep when the baby sleeps. Don’t get dressed to go anywhere until AFTER you've fed, burped and changed baby. I'm sure you're carrying an extra outfit or two for baby, but why don't you pack one for yourself to keep in the car? I was sitting in the middle of a children's museum when my baby, who I was trying to nurse discreetly, had a blowout poop and leaked through his diaper, outfit, and right onto me!
Baby Care:
When baby poops from head to toe (and they will!), don’t freak out – grab the camera and laugh it away. One thing I did that worked – gave my baby a bath and baby lotion massage at night. It relaxed both of us and she smelled wonderful. Get a babysitter very soon! You need to get out either alone, with your husband, or with a friend. And the earlier you begin with this, the easier the baby will adjust to other caregivers. Don’t worry about the cost – a) you can’t afford not to take care of yourself and your marriage (you were a woman, wife and friend before the baby came and you will be long after they leave…) and b) there are PLENTY of women who would love to hold and cuddle a baby for a couple hours while you get a much-needed break…so use them!
Husband:
If your hubby offers to do anything – let him, let him, let him. True, it may not get done exactly as you would like (diapering, feeding, bathing, trips to the store, etc.) but it will be one less thing for you to do.
Nursing:
Be patient with breastfeeding – it gets easier. Don’t be surprised if you…get pregnant while nursing. It happens a lot… (this was worth repeating!) If you’re nursing - drink, drink, drink. If you notice frequent headaches, you could be dehydrated and in need of more fluid. Good rule of thumb: each time you sit down to a feeding, grab a glass of water.
Practical:
Start off right! If you want your child to eat veggies, give him veggies, from the beginning. If you want him to drink lots of water, give him water, from the beginning. It is easy to do anything "right" from the beginning. Your young child only knows and experiences what you present him. It is difficult changing set habits or customs when he is older. Introduce a bottle ASAP. Use expressed breast milk. It will give you more freedom later. Change newborn diapers often – there is nothing worse than diaper rash. Carry an extra pacifier on you at ALL TIMES. Always carry a changing pad…most changing stations in malls, etc., do not have disposable ones. Be flexible- not everything goes as planned. More important than the event is our attitude when things don't turn out.
My daughter turned five last month. I feared the gimmies would begin last summer as she tends to want everything she sees (wonder where she picked that up?!). But something bizarre, yet quite nice, happened instead.
Somewhere along the line, literally 5 or 6 months before her birthday, every time we were in any kind of store, she would see something she liked and would ask if that item could be on her birthday list. Where she got this concept, I have no idea. At first, I doubted it would stick. But then I noticed that each trip to the store would bring a peaceful shopping venture with a few requests of birthday list additions. I could handle this!
One day, however, after she asked to add a bag of rice to her precious list, I pointed out that that list of hers was sure getting pretty long, and with three months to go until the beloved day, that maybe we should put it down on paper when we got home. Her response jolted me a bit – "No, Mommy, we don’t need to write it down…"…tapping her finger against her head, she continued…"I’ve got it all right here."
Okay – yikes! I was so banking on the fact that once she left the store each time, everything she had just asked for was magically falling off the imaginary list. But now she was assuring me that it was all taken care of. Oh grand!
All this to say – our kids are not only smarter than we give them credit for, they may even be smarter than us from time to time. So today I urge you to take a few steps back and just see what you might be able to learn from them.
My three-and-a-half-year-old son, Jack, surprised me the other day. We were walking downstairs, he behind me. He was in a good mood, talking about going on the computer, very happy. Then he muttered the following phrase (and pardon my French, as my grandmother would say, in advance), "Stinky poopy."
Now, I have no idea what he was referring to – and frankly, I didn’t care. I turned around instantly and asked, "What did you say?" (As he knows very clearly the rule in our house – ‘Corcorans’ don’t use words like that – we can use better words’.) Here is where the surprise came – his response: instantaneously, he said, "Nothing". You know that ‘nothing’ – shifty eyes so as not to make contact with mine, said very quickly, hands in the pockets. That is the kind of ‘nothing’ I would have expected from a 7 or 8 year old maybe – but from my baby?!
He lied to me. My son chose to lie to me. He had the choice to come clean – but didn’t. My son willingly chose sin.
Okay, I may sound a bit harsh here. Is it really sin if it’s just a little white lie and no one gets hurt? You better believe it is. It’s sin when my 3-year-old does it, my precious son who can do no wrong (so I thought) and it’s sin when I do it.
This just reminded me what I forget so very often. Just as Jack was a sinner since birth, sin engulfed my soul from infancy as well…just as it did for you. Scary, but true. Sad, but true. Unbelievable, but true - whether we believe it or not. Sin is our natural bent. Human beings are not innately good as most like to believe. We are depraved, with a capacity for good moments.
So do whatever you can to slow the downward spiral of your child’s sin nature. And while you’re at it – prayerfully and diligently work as hard as you can at reversing your own downward spiral.
Oh, my precious Sara. A girly girl through and through. Last year she went through a bit of a phase of wearing a leotard (fully loaded with tutu and crown and scepter, I might add) around the house just for kicks. Like, every day, basically. I thought it was cute, until I tried to take her out in public and she refused to put on anything else.
Well, now, her preference is a dress. Every day. Even if we’re just hanging out at home. So in my attempt to appease my daughter’s boycott on pants, I have done my best to stock up on all kinds of dresses. Ones she can just kick around in at home, some for school, and some for church. Now, I also stumbled upon about 3 really wonderful dresses that I am saving for the holidays – these beauties will be perfect for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s and all the festivities in between.
Here’s the thing. A ways back, when tackling the clothing switch project (removing all summer clothes from her closet and replacing them with fall & winter), I filled her closet with all of her new dresses…including those sparkly, furry, dressy dresses set apart just for the holidays.
Well, you can just imagine her first glimpse into that closet – it was like a brand new wardrobe. So many choices (so many decisions!) – she now had a reason to change her outfit two and three and four times a day! (Oy vay!) But with as much flair as any human can muster, with that same human nature always looking for something they can’t have – she asked to wear, each day, her Christmas dresses. And each day, for about three weeks, I told her the same thing, "No, honey – we’re saving those for special occasions." And each day she’d pitch a mini fit and we’d have it out.
Until one day this week. She was deciding what to wear and proclaimed to me, pointing to those exceptional dresses, "But not these, right, Mommy? These are for special times, right?" And before I could say yes, she went on to say, in more wisdom than I usually have, "Mommy, can you just put them away then? I don’t even want to see them anymore."
The temptation was too much for my precious little girl’s heart to bear. She so much wanted to look her most beautiful, but her Mommy knew that if she wore them now, they wouldn’t be as special later. And she just couldn’t stand being told no anymore. So she asked to have them removed from her life until they could actually be choices in the running again.
Wow – how I wish I had the wisdom to take a look around my life and see what catches my eye that maybe shouldn’t. What person or thing or idea that steals a bit of my heart each day that I know I can’t and shouldn’t be even mulling over – and then taking matters into my own hands and removing the enticement from my life.
Maybe I’ll just have to do that. Because my God, who occasionally says no to me, knows what He’s talking about too. But how much easier on my heart to not even have something in front of me that makes me drift in the first place.
I used to pride myself on being a recently converted activity-aholic. Busy was my middle name. I thrived on it. I bragged about it. I reveled in it. I even complained about the pace…with a twinkle in my eye.
But then something happened about a year ago. I was looking at my schedule…with an activity (or two) marked in each day of the week as far as my eye could see. And I realized that I didn’t want to live that kind of life anymore. So as the school year approached, I heard myself saying that one little word that packs so much punch, that carries so much weight, that I had almost never heard myself say…’no’. And I started weeding out my schedule, until I found myself at home with my children three to four full days each week.
At first, I thought for sure I would go stir crazy – just me and two toddlers. Surely the white van would be coming down my street at any moment to take me away. But that is not at all what happened. My pace slowed. My mind cleared. My soul breathed a sigh of relief. And I began to enjoy life and see life and feel life. Stress lifted away. I began to know my children more deeply. I began to get to know myself again. And I began to notice God in the dailyness of my life.
One year later, I began preparing for another fall. And I found myself reaching back for last year’s unhurried movements with longing. Because I had gotten myself into a bit of a bind. I had more on my list of to do’s for the next six months, than I have done over the past two or three years combined. And frankly, I was a bit scared that I’d bitten off too much. And I was definitely overwhelmed. In a way that I hadn’t been in years.
If I were to list off all I had got going, well…first of all, I don’t think you’d believe me. And secondly, I think all it would do would make me wallow in self-pity a bit longer. So I won’t. I’ll just share with you that I had so wanted to spend this coming year just hanging out with my children (as this is our last ‘normal’ year together, before my Sara enters kindergarten next fall). But that was not going to happen. I had taken on projects – months-long projects – one huge one after another. And I was buried under regret, let alone wonderment as to how I planned to tackle all of this.
But then I did something about it. In three steps. I listed all the relationships in my life that I felt called to pour into this year. And I listed all the roles that I had taken on. (I about fell out of my chair at this point!) So I prayed. Boy, did I pray! I felt hopeless as to what I could possibly say no to. Maybe because it was past saying no – I was going to have to undo some yes’s. And because I am not a quitter – that seemed impossible to ask of myself. I took no actions – just spent about two days in prayer and thought about all of this. Then I did something huge. I quit! (Yikes!) I quit two huge tasks that I had just recently taken on. Both parties were so gracious and didn’t make me feel badly for a second. And they understood my motives – they knew it wasn’t a character issue with me, but that I had simply taken on more than I knew I could juggle well.
Sweet relief. I have my life back for the next 9 months. I can write and I can head up the Women’s Ministries at my church. But more importantly, I can build my home, spend unhurried time with my kids, love my husband, and rediscover God. Now this is the life I dreamed of.
I’ve never felt this way before. For the first time in my life, I feel unsafe. Maybe I’ve lived naively the past 30 years. Or maybe I’ve never felt such threat before. I’m sure I am not the only one who is feeling this numb, what-do-we-do-now feeling.
But as a mother of two small children, today, I couldn’t help but hold them and kiss them and whisper to them over and over again that I loved them. I have possibly lost a bit of the nonchalant bounce in my step. I will never mother the same again. I am forever changed. And I suspect I am not the only one.
But I reminded myself of something – and I will continue to remind myself in the days to come. This is not glib – this is not flippant – this is truth, whether we believe it in our gut or not, it is the truth: God is in control. And I have to believe that from my core or I won’t be able to go on.
The God that I love and have given my life to – for whatever reason – allowed all of this. But that same God is all-knowing and all-powerful and ever-present and fully just and completely loving. And moms, He will get us through this. The bounce in our step will come back – maybe not to the same degree, but if we lean into His care, it will come back. And our naivete may be forever gone – but the lessons we take away from all of this – how much bigger life is than our petty differences; how much larger a scheme of things there is compared to our tiny problems and inconveniences; that people – the people we love – are so much more important than our selfishness; and that, yes, we have a God who will walk us through this…those are lessons that will fill the void our innocence has left.
Moms – love your children, love your husbands, love your God. What else do we have, really?
Sara and I have just returned home from her 5-year physical…shots and all…in preparation for her entering preschool (she’s a late 5). And I cannot believe that my baby is starting school this year. I love this time of year – not really the temperature changes necessarily – but there is just something about preparing for the school year and the ministry year that gets me excited.
My husband is a 6th grade teacher, so we have lived on the school calendar year long before our kids came along. My life kicks into a different sort of gear when he heads back to work and I’m up against the ominous task of stay at home parenting on my own again. Every year I know I am ready for my husband to go back to work (3 months can be a lot of one-on-one time in our marriage!), but every year I sort of step back, eye my children, and wonder – will I really be able to pull this off for another 9 months? Do I have what it takes to let the change of seasons take me farther down the road of life? Can I juggle full-time stay-at-home wifery/mothering/homemaking with ministry and writing (and keep my sanity??)
And my answer, my friends, is an unequivocal no. I cannot juggle all of that and remain mentally healthy. And I do not have within me what it takes to go with the flow of life on my own. Nope, uh-uh, not me. But I do know someone who can juggle for me, and who does have what it takes within him. (No, not my husband!) God.
When God told Moses to free his people, Moses acted the way most of us would have. ‘God, I don’t think you know what you’re talking about here…me? Who in the world am I to handle something like this? I’m not a great man!’ And God, in his wisdom, did not pat him on the back and say, ‘You’re right, Moses, what was I thinking?’ or ‘But Moses, I think you’re a great man…I know you can do it…go get ‘em!’ His reply was simple and yet mind-blowing at the same time, if we really let it sink in. His response to Moses’ reaction of ‘why me? who am I? how can I?’ was straightforward: ‘I will be with you.’ Point blank enough for you?
And really, that’s all I need to know. God is with me when I remember that he is. And God is with me when I don’t remember that he is. He is with me write now as I write this. And He is with you, if you know him personally, right now as you read this. So, rest assured – you do not have to juggle. You do not have to do it all in your own strength. If you so desire and if you so ask, God can and will be the Strength that will get you through the ebb and flow of this ever-changing life.
My 4-&-1/2 year old daughter, Sara, just asked me the other day if I would give her money for college. I asked her to clarify if she meant spending money or if she wanted to know if daddy & I were putting money away for her education. She said she was interested in the latter. I assured her that we were, and that seemed to satisfy her curiosity. But now my curiosity was piqued. Where does my daughter come up with this stuff? She's not even in preschool yet and she wants to talk college.
I must admit that this tiny little question made my mind wander down the road about 14 or so years to the time when she's actually heading off. On this end, it seems like ages away. But I've been told a number of times, just recently in fact, that it goes so fast…to truly remember how much my kids love me right now, because they won't always act like they love me later. I do know that time goes fast - I cannot believe that it's been over 5 years since finding out that I was pregnant with Sara…and now look, she's getting ready for preschool, gets dressed by herself, needs little help in hopping up into her booster carseat and buckling herself in, and is even pondering her higher education plans.
But I've been reminded (and warned) that this is just the beginning…first days of school, bullies, dance lessons, questions that will knock me off my feet, waiting up into the night for her to come home, driving, dating, broken hearts…basically letting go a little more each day until one day when she really does jump into her own car that she will have purchased after getting her own after school job (and a little help from mom and dad because of all those straight A's!) into the sunset towards college and a future that does not hold a daily dose of her mommy and daddy anymore.
So, I think I'll settle in for the right now…the time that I so desperately want to rush through because it can be so tiring and frustrating sometimes…I want to just remember these precious moments. It won't be long before both Sara and Jack stop jumping into my lap, stop running to kiss and hug me each morning, stop holding my hand on purpose and without embarrassment, stop telling me ten times a day that they love me…but for now they still do…and I want to remember.
I sit here before my computer screen just four days after learning of the news of the death of a friend’s husband. And I am compelled to write about it, but I am not so sure the words will come all that easily this time around.
This is the closest I’ve been to the death experience. I lost my grandmother over 10 years ago, but that was different – she was a bit older, the next generation. This time, however – this man was 37 years old. He left behind a 36-year-old widow and his three children, all under the age of 6. He was killed with a cliché that is not so much a cliché to me anymore – a car accident caused by a teenage drunk driver who survived.
I have so many random thoughts about this. How will she survive financially? Will she have to go to work? Did they have a good last night together? Will her children remember their dad at all? Not only will she have to pick up with the details of life, but how much will she actually just miss his companionship? I don’t think I realized until this moment – that though my husband, Kevin, and I have our fair share of struggles…who I am is completely wrapped up in being his wife and being partners in parenting with him. In the midst of a difficult time, I can flippantly let my mind wander that life could be so much easier if we just weren’t together…but then something like this happens and jolts my little safe world back into gratitude and appreciation.
You know, I can wallow in self-pity parties all the time about how hard mothering can be. But who am I kidding now? How dare I think that thought ever again! My children have a father. I have a co-laborer in this effort who helps me get through. Ahh, but that’s the point that I come back to again and again. Deb thought she did, too. I’ve been struck this week each time one of us has left the house and gotten in the car by the reality that that moment together could have been our last. We are not guaranteed anything in this life.
Well, at least we’re not guaranteed anything that has to do with our humanity (except that we will each die at some point). But we are guaranteed something else. We all know that trouble is simply a part of being born; but that our Creator and our God has told us that He will never leave us. We can count on the fact that we are one prayer away from experiencing His complete peace. And yes, we are each potentially one breath away from our last.
What are you going to do with the moments that God has given you this day?
I just did one of the stupidest things in my life. As if someone else, I watched myself angrily put black suede sparkled boots on my daughter’s feet because she actually refused to brush her teeth without donning some type of footwear. We were in the midst of a battle – I could think of no proper choices to give her – I couldn’t seem to stay the one in control – and she won. She won this battle. I walked out of the room after watching her happily brush her teeth, boot-clad, just shaking my head, wondering where she got this will of iron.
Funny, my husband would insist she got it from me. He says it with a smile and a twinkle in his eye, but I swear that he almost believes that one day I took Sara aside, sat her down and said, ‘this is how you can get your way for the rest of your life’, and proceeded to give her my tricks of the trade. But as far as I can recall, that never actually happened.
So was it osmosis? She sees me walk around on a daily basis wielding my power as woman-hear-me-roar, and decided that she wanted the same kind of clout herself? Let’s think this through just a bit – if that were truly the case, wouldn’t I probably have my hands full just abit more with my gentle-spirited son as well? But I don’t. It’s just with Sara.
So is it a mother-daughter thing that started at 10 months? Do I have a lifetime of battle-choosing and battle-losing ahead of me? Do I have to lay down my mothering muscle at the foot of my 4-1/2 year old daughter because somehow she is able to outsmart me a good portion of the time?
You’d think I was gearing up to answer myself here – but I’m not. I am clueless.
You know, the other day, I reminded Sara to make her bed before coming downstairs (an act that she normally must do because it drives her nuts to have her room undone in any fashion). But this particular day, she said, ‘I don’t want to make my bed today.’ Taken aback, I said, ‘Sara, you have two choices…you can either make your bed now or…’ And I was stumped. My mind could not come up with an alternative…I wasn’t going to make her stay home from church that day, nor was I going to withhold breakfast if she didn’t comply. So I took a deep breath, stalling, and repeated, ‘Sara, your choices are that you can either make your bed or…ummm…you can make your bed or…’ And she looked at me, sighed, and said, ‘Mommy, why don’t I just make my bed?’ My lack of quick thinking had apparently bored my daughter into obedience. Sadly, it wasn’t so much that she desired to please me – she was simply uninterested in watching me strain my brain so much. I may have won the battle that time, but I’m not so sure if by default really counts.
Outwitted again…ahhh, but it mustn’t be like this for the long haul. Yes, she may prevail in a battle here and there – but our God has given me authority as her parent…and occasionally, when I actually think to ask for it, He gives me creativity and wisdom. She may win in the moment from time to time – but she doesn’t see what I see – that I am attempting to train her for a life that is built on something much bigger than getting her own way. And for that, God is on my side.
At church today I caught a glimpse of an amazing father-daughter relationship. I was intrigued and challenged and given hope all in that one moment. What did I see that touched me so deeply?
After our congregation sang a chorus, we did the usual "greeting of those around you." I watched a father greet his fifteen-year-old daughter. What is the big deal? For one thing, girls of that age tend to be embarrassed by their fathers. That she even acknowledged him is amazing enough. What struck me, though, was how they addressed each other. Their fondness for one another and the way they were comfortable with each other was foreign to me. They did a special handshake kind of thing. It was so brief that I have difficulty explaining it. But the daughter was not embarrassed by her father. She didn’t simply acknowledge him, she greeted him warmly and affectionately. The handshake lingered a moment. Long enough for me to zoom ten or twelve years into the future and picture my Sara embracing her father in public without shame.
Why did this hit me so hard? Maybe because what you see in public is an accurate reflection of what is being built in private.
First let me say – Happy Father’s Day to all of you men who come alongside a child and bring to them the feeling that they are special and loved.
And to you moms out there - talk to your husband today about one thing each of you can do with your child that will build on the parent-child relationship to insure its strength in the future. And then each of you make a plan to spend some alone time with each of your children. What an impact this will make on their little hearts!
(Oh, and, don’t forget to thank your child’s father for their amazing influence in your children’s lives!)
