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by Reverand Dennis W Smith Sr.

GOD completes void in the single parent’s life. Only His mercy has been able to strengthen the struggles and lighten the loads. We are still one body unto to Christ. Many reasons, by ordinance of all Mighty God, have plagued dysfunction upon families from the torment of single parenting. God says, "Let a man take a wife to be his own and a woman to have a husband". Many obstacles due to life’s own processes leave families with only one parent. But God’s hand is the enduing triumph – His spirit is the completion that profiles the structure.

Taking on the role of both parents may seem impossible at times, but families are often left blinded due to sudden death of one parent, divorce, separation and child bearing out of wedlock. Many women have been victims of rape, but have chosen to keep their children. Each situation has its own struggle through trials. Parents can never know what a day will bring, but our Lord and Savior does. God formats our existence and struggles for His purpose. Single parenting is not a ridicule of shame or the misfortune of disaster. For whatever reason you are chosen by God for the task of raising your children alone is God’s measure. Life’s pathway is God’s design. As Christians, we find victory in all of God’s works.

Life’s mantle of trophies is God’s celebration of victory over the world. The good deeds that you accomplish in life are certificates of appreciation that we present to our Heavenly Father. God says, "Take excitement in all that is put before you". As a parent, your life and all that accompanies it, is a blessing to another’s struggle. Your triumph over the devil’s warfare and obstacles in life, are testimonies by God’s mercies to bless someone with less strength to go through your same struggle. As you accept the hot coals that God places your feet upon, the Holy Spirit cools your pathway with assurance of victory before the race. It is through God’s choice that you endure His will and through your faith that your life holds prosperity as the awaiting light at thoughts end.

Rejoice in the privilege of being chosen to endure. We look upon life this very way to illustrate the wonderful mysteries of God’s plan. Purpose your self in the wisdom of the Holy Spirit and strengthen your purpose with the continence of understanding the will of God. Bolster your trials cheerfully with the vision of victory in raising your children; with pleasure and anointing of the Holy Spirit, this glorifies God’s mission. But it is the acceptance of God’s plan that prepares us for triumph in the mist of our vulnerability.

Dysfunction attacks you, single mothers, by forcing your allegiance to bow before the mercy of iniquities constant approach. If satan can convince you to believe that there is no way out, you’ve literally accepted his plan of reproach. If satan is able to induce your perception to the apprehensive charge, he’s confident that your mental stability waves and trembles. But honor your process in God. The Holy Spirit will cushion your steps and clear the contrast of iniquity’s dust storm. Fill your heart with God’s purpose. Don’t allow satan to penalize your family because of one parent. The Lord makes a way out of no way. It is the conditioning of the mind with the strength of the Holy Spirit that enables you single parents to succeed in this challenge.

Fathers have been left alone with two or three children to be responsible to, due to death of their wives. But God fills the void. Direct from God are doctrine pleasures in taking on difficult situations. There are times when you single fathers dictate because of your manhood and you believe that success is inevitable. Well, God puts us all through the test of our faith in season. He wants to be curtained that in during those difficult times, will you call on Him. Single parenting does not seal the notion of bearing the burdens alone. God says, "He will never leave you or forsake you". You must trust in His counsel and in His judgment. Your spiritual ground is where your family must stand in order to avert dysfunction.

Many obstacles blanket single parents, especially during sudden death of a spouse. Stress can become a stigma norm in your household. This scenario brings variables in labeling and clarification. To begin with, the family structure has been immediately interrupted. What was normal and ritualistic is no more. Confusion sets in for your children. Because of not knowing how to deal with their feelings – anger becomes their doctrine of defense and ventilation. Most of the blame is directed towards the deceased with labels of abandonment. The 6-year-old suddenly feels left out by the parent. The child wonders why the parent left him/her and how it could be done without a good-bye. Devastation is an appropriate word for the youngster’s life-style development. Some children act out and some withdraw. The better of the two situations is the "acting out". This coarse of action will at least serve as a venting system. By venting stress the body will relieve itself of tension and anxieties; on the other hand the child’s actions may cause disruption in schools and be forced into some special programming or alternative teachings. This path leads to systematic disaster for the child. Immediate therapy after a tragedy injection into your child’s life is crucial. Your child may not understand the teachings of God’s doctrine, but your prayers God will answer. Fill their hearts with the love of God and the supernatural joy of the Holy Spirit. Your earnest desire to make up for the lost will have its reward. Their confidants in security become shattered. What you do as the surviving parent holds great foundation in rebuilding your child’s mental focus. Evasiveness in communication deepens the cracks of a scared personality. Many fear talking to their children about the devastation, due to the possibility of mental damage or permanent scaring. Allow the spirit of God to be your assurance and promise of healing. God can work miracles in your life if you’ll allow Him. He can buffer the mental fall of a six-year-old. Too often children who are victims to parental death and are forced into the system of the state where no healing of God is evident. Only God can heal the broken wounds of the heart, because He created us. His doctrine stands alone as the only doctrine that can heal the broken heart. Parents have there own healing processes to attend to as well. It starts with God and ends with God. Allow God to mend your wounds and broken heart. Your strength is admirable for your children, but you need self-fulfillment and healing. Seek God first and all shall be added unto you. Your stability sets the tone. Ask God to heal and strengthen you first, then your children will be blessed.

Many difficulties plague the single parent’s home. Work performance is affected which hinders your job, expensive childcare, surviving off of only one income and a sundry of other variables that hinders God’s blessings. But all of these are worldly obstacles and God’s mercies will bring prosperity. Satan’s plot to destroy will never cease, but will prove defeated by the glory of God’s hand. Satan wants you to feel inadequate to yourself and your children. He also wants you to feel guilty of your spouse’s death. Thinking along these lines deters you from the anointing blessings from God. Please remember that God doesn’t put anything on you that can’t be handled. He knows your needs and desires before you do. But let obedience be your guidance to Godly living, even in the mist of tragedy.

There are many single parent homes due to rendered choice, divorce and separation. With any choice comes the responsibility of acceptance of repercussions and difficulties.

A specific mind-set is needed to manifest that responsibility in your lives. It takes a special commitment to take on the role of single parenting by your own choice. But so often the expectations get distorted and the realism becomes overwhelming. Divorce, in a since, cools an endless fire of dysfunction. True and honest relationships with parent and child almost never recover without the Holy Spirit’s presence in their home. The child suffers the most damage. The parents decided their fate, but the child had no impact. The child is usually expected to handle and deal with all change by the parent. This is unfair to the child or children. Often time’s parents forget how young and immature their children are. Parents tend to place limits and expectations that they themselves do not live up to. Being a single parent has its trials; it isn’t wise to magnify the situation by penalizing your child because of your insecurities. Children have their issues to deal with. When your child is spending time with his/her peers at school or visiting friends, they feel insecure and inadequate because of their own home situation. Children want a two unit family structure. Children want to attend father’s day functions or go to a ball game. A son wants his father to sit in the bleaches at his football games. A daughter wants her mother’s advice during her first menstruation. A daughter desires her mother to show her how to be beautiful or what to expect from life as a mother. But these are only dreams for millions of children around the world. For a parent to take on dual roles is asking for unrealistic measures. But allowing God’s intervention alleviates situations and helps children to appreciate and to be thankful for the life that God has given them. As a single parent you must realize that you must not be too busy to monitor your child or check on their daily functions. Communicating with your child’s teacher and their friends’ parents are great ways to learn about your child, because sometimes children keep things hidden. Your children will not want to spend all of their time with you. Although this seems a little abstract, it is healthy for your child to fellowship with peers their own ages and friends with loving parents.

Dating for a single parent is an extremely difficult time for a child. Many parents lose their connection with their children as they began to engage in dating. The degree of resistance and conflict differ in each situation. The child’s age also plays a role in the adjusting process. The longer you and your child have had a quality life together the easier the adjusting process. Many single parents spawn major dysfunction in their home due to personal relationships after a loved one has passed or a divorce scenario. The adjustments for you and your child must be solid upon God’s word before others can be loved. Many previous marriages of longevity cause distortions in present relationships because the need to fill voids is overpowering. Parents try earnestly to shadow their emotions in belief that it will sustain the strength in their children, but what actually occurs is self denial and depression. But parents with strong spiritual grounding are able to overcome. Parents should purpose themselves in this. God wants you to surrender all of your situations unto Him. Only God can fill that void in your life, because He created it. Single mothers, lean on the unchanging hand of God to be your husband after tragedy. God is all the love and man you need until His will be done. If it pleases God for you to marry again, God will send you a husband. Please do not pleasure yourselves with the worldly man and the provoked world needs of a husband. God knows your needs and hears your cries. He puts things on you in life to test you and to see if you will call and lean on Him always. Keeping your child on the strait path and in fellowship with you and God should purpose your works.

Single mothers with teenage sons must lean on God to stand in as the Father. Your son still has to be taught to be a man. Only God holds the authority and doctrine. Let God’s doctrine be your son’s guide to manhood. Teach your son that true manhood can only be learned from the spirit of God and His word. Teach your son not to lean on male role models, except they are true men of God. Teach them that man has flaws and issues – God does not.

Only the work of the Holy Spirit will buffer your life style as a single parent. Trust in Him who has all the answers and all rewards. Give God the glory for your tragedy or divorce. Give your son God for his portion of wisdom and manhood.

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