One Sunday morning in church, I watched as a father in my row struggled to quiet his toddler. The little girl kicked and screamed when her toy fell under the pew. Hurriedly, the embarrassed father grabbed the toy, picked up the child and left the pew for the side door. As he stumbled past me, I flashed an understanding smile. I remember mornings like that, I thought.

After giving birth to three children in less than four years, I spent many Sunday mornings chasing Cheerios before they rolled into the aisle. My nights were filled with babies to be nursed, toddlers who didn't want to go to bed and preschoolers afraid of the dark. Then there was getting to church on Sunday mornings. Dressing three young children and getting them out the door on time became a feat I would still rather forget.

But I'm glad I made the effort. Before I could look twice, my toddlers had become teens, and my challenge became even greater to keep them on the right spiritual track. Exposing them to church in those early years was an important starting point, but it was only a first step in my journey of growing them up with Jesus.

No More Excuses

I agree with those who say spiritual development is the most difficult area in which to parent. I can easily measure my children's physical growth with a yardstick, judge their social development by how they relate to others, and evaluate emotional advances by how they handle disappointments. But spiritual growth doesn't fit into a neat package, and I have found it hard to gauge the extent to which my children are growing with God.

If you are like me, you have used the difficulty of assessing your kid's growth as an excuse for not nurturing their spiritual lives. Or, if that excuse doesn't fit you, maybe you'll recognize one of these:

• "I'm not a theologian. My child is asking the same questions I'm asking. I can't help him with issues like, 'Why does God let people suffer?' "
• "I can't do enough. I wonder how my feeble attempts at passing on the faith can equip my child to deal with life in the 21st century."
• "My faith is personal. It's embarrassing to talk about it with my child."

As moms and dads, we play a critical role as spiritual educators in our children's lives. In Matthew 19:14, Jesus tells us to make ourselves approachable to our kids: "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." I believe that each time we let the little children come to us, He will bless our efforts.

These days, I travel throughout the United States and Canada talking with parents who are concerned about raising God-fearing children. I have found that the families making faith come alive in their homes are those who incorporate instruction into the everyday activities of their family life. That's why we should look for ways to make steady, daily progress in building faith on the home front.

Seek Out a Church

As your children grow up, you will probably find what Harvard Professor Robert Coles said is true: "Your child's moral life overlaps with his religious life; his religious life overlaps his spiritual life." A parent of two told me, "The Christian lifestyle helps me define areas in which I can determine right from wrong. And my personal morality influences the kinds of things I do as a parent. As a steward, it's my responsibility to do the best I can [to nurture my children spiritually]. "

By creating a backdrop of religious activities — family devotions, mealtime prayers, spiritual journaling — you can directly influence your child's faith journey. Church participation provides a framework in which a child can practice his or her beliefs. But finding a supportive church can sometimes be a problem as one single mom told me:

"Early in the separation, I fell away from the church. It had been the church where my husband was raised. Most of his immediate family still attended. Even though I had been a member for years, walls of separation were erected by members who had known his family for three generations."

You can find ways to ease the effect a separation or divorce may have had on your church involvement. Try attending worship at a different time if one is available, where the people change but the program remains the same. You can also find another church that might include an active singles ministry or youth program where your family can start fresh.

But don't stop going no matter how frustrating you find your attempts. Worshipping with fellow believers and with our children is a responsibility God has given us: "Observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy, as the Lord your God has commanded you. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but on the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God." (Deuteronomy 5:12-14)

Preparing on Saturday night for Sunday morning church can help a great deal -- setting out cereal boxes, writing a check for the offering envelope, or having your daughter lay out the clothes she plans to wear. My teenagers write out a schedule for Sunday-morning-bathroom use. Other parents have their children put their Bible and other belongings in the car the night before. All these things will give you a head start on the day.

But preparing ourselves physically is just the beginning: It's in emotional preparation that we see how our efforts bring life to words of faith.

I encourage parents to leave church with Scripture readings for the following week and the name of a "singable" song. During the week, one verse of the selected Scripture may be used as a memory verse or as the mealtime Bible reading. You can sing the song as a table prayer or during family devotions. In this way, church attendance becomes a natural extension of the praying and singing you've done all week.

Each day's activity should tie in to the next worship service. When a child pokes you during a Scripture reading and says, "I know that verse," or sings a hymn with such gusto that other worshipers cast sidelong glances, you can clearly hear and see your children growing up with Jesus.

Cast Fear Aside

As your children raise questions and grow in spiritual knowledge, they will have an increased awareness of the awesome nature of faith. For some children, especially teens, walking with God can appear overwhelming and even scary. If your children share these feelings, you can help them in two ways.

First, talk with each of your children about the times you were his or her age. Your "I remember when" statements probably won't generate the "Oh, Mom" responses you might get when discussing clothing trends. Spiritual issues transcend time and place, and they aren't culturally shaped like how far you walked to school or how much you earned on your first job. Your children will probably listen if you talk about the spiritual struggles you experienced growing up.

Second, support each child's involvement with church ministry groups. Children, particularly as they become junior-highers, want to belong. Youth ministry events will offer them an opportunity to relate with others who are dealing with the same questions they are asking. In addition, youth ministers generally gear study and discussion sessions to answer common questions. Encourage but don't pressure your child to participate.

At the same time, you might offer to drive the youth group to a nursing home, take a two-hour shift during an all-night lock-in, or assist with a Saturday morning pancake breakfast. You might volunteer to host church meetings or provide refreshments. A word of caution to those of you with adolescents, however: They may feel the need to distance themselves from you in peer situations. Check with them first to see how they would like you to help.

Practice Prayer

I read an article in USA Today that introduced the concept of prayer walking by quoting from a book about that subject: "Taking a stroll with the soul is something many parents discover with the birth of their first child," writes Linus Mundy in Prayer Walking. My husband prayerfully practiced many sermons while pushing a stroller. What a natural way to introduce children to prayer.

When we pray, we demonstrate to our children the value of communicating with God. Before our family pulls out of the driveway for vacation, we recite the traveler's prayer from Psalm 121:1-2: "I lift up my eyes to the hills — where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth." Talking to our Father comes as natural as talking to each other across the kitchen table. Our children won't just learn about prayer, but they will participate in it.

Start a Devotional Life

Before the birth of my first child, I visualized our family living out the scene on Sunday school leaflets — everyone sitting around the kitchen table listening attentively to a Bible reading. How quickly dreams die.

When I announced that we would begin regular family devotions, Christy responded with a four-letter word — "yuck."

I never understood how Christy, at the age of 3, had learned devotions could be yucky, but I knew I had to do something. I needed to make a connection between faith and daily living.

That's when I started my napkin collection. On a McDonald's napkin, a shopping list or any scrap of paper, I scribbled an incident during that day when I realized God was at work. At night, we would talk about what happened. We ended up with devotions about God's creation reflected in brightly colored fall leaves, His protection when lightning flashed, and His love reflected in the hug from Grandma. Sometimes I read a short passage of Scripture. We always closed with prayer.

Because these devotions were pertinent to their lives, my children began looking forward to them. That became my cue: Relevance is the key to meaningful devotions. I searched for materials that would motivate my children to talk about their faith experiences. When I looked for a new devotional book, I flipped to the index. I looked for topics like "losing a tooth" and "fear of the dark" when the children were young. Later, I looked for phrases like "being left out of the group on the playground" and "when your teacher yells." Now, I encourage my teens to choose their own material.

Last year, my 16-year-old and I began reading aloud "prairie fiction" books by Janette Oke. As she and I read about a character on a spiritual walk, we would talk about our own journeys with Jesus and relate them to Scripture. Reading together gave us a comfortable format for sharing our faith walk.

Celebrate God Sightings

A single father of two recently told me, "God is sorting through the messes of my life." Another single dad said, "I'm at a time when God is subtracting from my life, not adding." With their words, both fathers acknowledged that God was actively involved in their lives. Sharing these God sightings with our children — times when we are more aware of the presence of God — can strengthen their walk with the Lord.

Once I told my children about my God sighting in Huntsville, Ala., where I attended the "Celebration of Books" festival. I was the only Christian author who had been invited to the festival. At the book signing, I was seated between Lutetia Baldridge — who served as Jackie Kennedy's etiquette expert in the White House — and three writers representing the Romance Writer's Guild of America. I wondered why I had come.

As I stood before the audience reading an excerpt from "Drip, Drop," a story based on the life of Noah, I felt overwhelmed with the heat of the lights beaming down on me. I heard a whirring sound behind my ear, which I recognized as the sound of a VCR camera for a local TV station. Later that night on the evening news, there I was, reading my Bible story! God had worked things out to His glory in spite of my insecurities.

Though I told my children what happened in Huntsville, I didn't need to make any faith-life connection. The story alone turned their thoughts toward God and ways He had made Himself real in our lives.

As we've continued to share God sightings, my children are more aware of His presence in their lives. Though I've always known He was with them, they now know it, too. And that's an inch I can mark on their spiritual growth charts.

What Lies Ahead?

As we look forward to the new school year, now is the perfect time to identify opportunities to help children grow up with Jesus. Here are two ideas that work for me:

• Begin a family prayer journal. Buy an extra spiral notebook and pen during a back-to-school sale. Then discuss what will be recorded: blessings, sorrows, troubles, joys. Young children can draw pictures. Leave the notebook open on the kitchen table while you're fixing supper each night. Occasionally, talk about what's been written, or use the entries as the basis for your mealtime prayers. This is a great way to encourage talking with God and to each other.
• Buy your child a Bible. Many stores have fall sales on Old or New Testaments and an array of devotional books. And since new schedules are beginning, this is an ideal time to encourage your child to begin a Bible reading plan. You might select something to read with your child like my teen and I have done.

In the End

As is true in other areas, your child's spiritual development will not follow a straight line. You will see peaks and valleys as your child alternately accepts and then questions God's love. Don't get discouraged: Just keep plugging away and work on your spiritual life, too. God has often used my children to help me grow with Him.

As you continue to grow spiritually yourself, you will impact your child's spiritual development. How you come to terms with God in your personal relationship with Him, your faithfulness in attending church, or the joy-filled service you give as a Bible study leader will personalize the perspective your child develops about the faith-life connection.

Talking with your child about faith challenges communicates, "You're not the only one; I struggle, too." Whenever possible, share these issues in the context that you, too, are still growing with God. By doing this, you will convey to your child that spiritual development is a lifelong process and that your family chooses to participate.

"Ways to Grow Godly Kids" appeared in Single-Parent Family magazine.
Copyright © 1995 Mary Simon, Ed.D.. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.