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Vol. 2009 Issue 08 ~ August

Today I had one role: Sara’s mom. I didn’t write (until right now). I didn’t clean or do laundry (not a huge sacrifice). I just did a few things that moms have to do from time to time. She had a small medical procedure that required sleep deprivation. Well, any mom knows that if the kid has to be sleep deprived, so does the mom. So I got up with her at 4am and we watched The Incredibles. Why not, really? I made her breakfast at about 5. Had her take a shower at 6 to stay awake. I had my devotions, took a shower and we headed out by 8:30. We sat around a waiting room for an hour and a half, playing I Spy and making totally inappropriate, sleep-deprived, floopy comments about our surroundings, as one can do with an almost-teenager.

And then we went in for the procedure. A simple EEG that left her strapped to twenty-two wires, lying in a Lazy Boy, needing to keep her eyes closed for almost an hour. The room was dark and I had nowhere to go and nothing to do but look at my daughter.

When was the last time I just looked at her? Let alone to simply marvel? Because she really is a beauty, that one. She doesn’t know it yet. In fact, she might just totally doubt it. About her outer and her inner beauty. But I see it.

She is a delight to me. And I say this knowing a couple things. One, at times we drive each other absolutely crazy (and that’s okay). Two, she is so much like me it’s scary. And three, I think she is so much like me because I am who she sees…but there’s so, so much more to her than just being my copy. She, simultaneously, is so different from me as well.

Thankfully, she’s better than me. A better version. And hopefully, oh Jesus, please hopefully, her foundation will be just a tad firmer, already starting her life out in His hands.

She’s almost thirteen. I remember almost thirteen. I hated almost thirteen. She seems to be balancing it pretty well from my vantage point, even if she doesn’t think so. There is still a part of her that is so…I was going to say 7 or 8…but it’s not a certain age…just still little girl. Still holds my hand, when no one is around. And yet, sometimes when they are. Still whines at the slightest hint of a chore. Still runs into her daddy’s arms. Still panics over the thought of a shot. But then there’s the grown-up inside. The girl with the whip-smart wit that I can totally banter back and forth with, forgetting sometimes that she’s only twelve. The part of her that makes dinner for us. (Didn’t see that perk coming…would’ve had her ages ago.) The part of her who decides on a whim to start a business making and selling bracelets, so she can give all the money to Africa. And the part of her who starts writing a book, about two teenage girls who go to Uganda and their lives complete change. She’s writing a book. It’s really good. She’s twelve.

So today was about Sara. And about stopping to look at her. To watch her. To really think about who she is right now. To ask Jesus to give her big adventures. To ask Him to remind her she is so completely loved that she doesn’t have to run out and make a million big and little mistakes trying to find love somewhere else.

I can’t believe I get to be her mom.

Submitted on : 1-Aug-2009