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Vol. 2009 Issue 06 ~ June

Today I’m thinking about rejection. Well, the combination of rejection and perseverance. Of walking uphill when all odds are against you. Of following the Quiet Voice upward despite what the crowds below are saying.

Yesterday I got word that my third and fourth books were passed on by yet another publisher. And not just yet another, but pretty much my last shot for both of them. It was a banner day. Although I did find a killer dress that somewhat made up for it. But I digress…

This is a death of a dream, but it is also a fork in the road. I had to decide in that moment just after rejection was dispensed --- am I going to walk away from this thing that I love or am I going to keep going even though it appears as if I’m not worthy of being published again? Whoa. That’s a sting that stays with you.

My typical approach to bad news over the past several years is to joke it off and brush myself off. Get up, keep going, smile firmly intact (though gritted teeth and a tear just about to roll down the cheek is my reality). Then it lingers under the surface for way to long.

So I immediately asked Jesus to heal me in this. And here’s what I felt Him say, “I am proud of you. I created you to write and I think you are a good writer. I am sorry that you are disappointed by this. I know you’re sad. But keep going. I love you.”

Then I put on some praise music and worshipped, loudly, with the windows rolled down in my car.

This wasn’t an “I praise You even though you killed my dream, Jesus” kind of worship time. This was an “I’m really, really sad but I love You no matter what” kind of worship time.

Then I kicked it into high gear, working on the next steps that I knew I could do something about. But I know I’m not fully healed. I’d been holding out hope for these two books for a long, long time, and I am very, very sad. It will take a while for the balm of God’s perfect will for my life to assuage the feelings of being passed over, of not being good enough, of yet another dream going unfulfilled. But the healing will come. And my emotional skin will grow yet another layer of thickness to withstand what life throws at me. And I will move on. And I will keep writing. I don’t break that easily.

What uphill battle are you climbing your way through these days? Are your kids wearying you at every turn? Are you and your husband deeply at odds? Is this ominous economy keeping you up at night? Do you feel like God has called you to something and then left you out to dry?

Keep walking. Keep praying. Keep leaning on friends and Jesus. Keep doing what you feel compelled to do. You may not see the results in the near future…but it will, I promise, be all wrapped up and made all too clear the reasons why in the end. Just keep doing what you feel you need to do. And then just watch how His love gets you through.

Submitted on : 1-Jun-2009