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Vol. 2009 Issue 01 ~ January

My 2008 could be summed up in one made-up word: upendedness. So much of my little world was flipped over or tossed around or scratched out or started again.

I found myself jobless this year. Sort of. Outside-the-home jobless. And it has been and is a breathtakingly wonderful, slowing-me-down gift.

I found myself planning my third trip to a third-world country. Feeling this itch inside of me to not be constrained by the four walls of my little house in my little town in my little state in my little country. To see how the other half lives. (To see how the other 85% lives is a bit more accurate.) To reach across the miles and the cultures and the languages and the hurt and the need and grab someone’s hand or give someone a hug or look someone in the eye and know that we have more in common than we have different.

I found myself on a mission to stop a disease that I do not have, a disease with no cure, a disease that is killing millions, a disease that I spent the last twenty years acting as if it didn’t exist.

I found myself writing and writing and writing…wanting desperately to get things down on paper, to tell my stories so others will feel liberated to tell their own…so others will know that they are not alone in this big, crazy world.

I found myself with two preteens…looking down the barrel of adolescence and praying for wisdom that I.do.not.yet.have.

I found myself free…lighter, said a friend…shoulders no longer permanently hunched, jaw no longer permanently clenched, brow no longer permanently furrowed. I’m…dare I be so bold as to say it…relaxed. You see, I find myself having given up a fight…a long, long fight…for control, for my way, for something I cannot and will never have…a fight I was never going to win no matter how hard I tried. And so I find myself surrendered and grateful to be done, to be on the other side.

What a year that is behind me. One I will not soon forget. One full of surprises. Huge, delightful surprises. Painful, scary surprises. But each surprise a gift. Each gift, more strength. And the stronger I’ve become, the more joy I feel in my bones. I’ll say 2008 with fondness and with a shaking of my head, as in, how did I get through it all? But then I’ll remember, that I did indeed make it through, with more dropped balls and yet somehow more grace, for one reason and one reason only…because I was walking more closely with Christ than I have in a long time. And that was the sweetest gift of all.

So here’s to putting 2008 to bed, whatever yours looked like. And to the coming of 2009…may we be surprised again and again, and may Christ hold our hands the whole way through.

© Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2009

Submitted on : 01-Jan-2009