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Vol. 2008 Issue 09 ~ September

My ten-year-old son asked me to read him something from the Bible before he went to bed last night. I asked if he were looking for something with Jesus in it – a miracle, or story, a healing or his resurrection maybe. He said, “No. I want a battle”. The book of Revelation might be a little too mind-blowing for him just yet, so we headed to the Old Testament. I found a battle scene where King David wins, again, and then it talked about plunder for a few sentences. I went on to give this impassioned speech, a sermon-ette really, about how plunder works these days, referencing a hard time my husband and I went through about three years ago and two specific, amazing gifts that came out of that time that I was claiming as plunder. I went on to apply it to his life, as any good preacher would, saying that any kind of hard thing that God calls him to go through – bullies, classes he may struggle with in fifth grade, etc. – that there will always be something good in it for him.

I was pretty proud of myself, if you must know. Typically I save those kinds of talks for my almost-twelve-year-old daughter, but I threw caution to the wind and just started talking. I looked at Jack with anticipation…what was he thinking? Wow, my Mom is smart and deep. Whoa, how did she extrapolate all that from that one battle story? She’s good! Or even just, She’s so pretty. I’m lucky she’s my Mommy.

Here’s what I got instead: “Ummm, Mom. About twenty seconds into that story, I totally blanked you out. And I really don’t want to hear any more either.”

Alrighty then. Put firmly in my place on that one. And that got me thinking. What do I blank out…or worse, who do I blank out…when I’m just plain tired of the subject, or the hard time, or the person? Do I do this with my kids? Yes, I totally do. Especially looking back on 89 days of summer together. I would sometimes get tired of their requests, their stories. I would sometimes just blank them out. That is so sad.

Do I do this with my husband? Yes. Especially looking back on 89 days of summer together (he’s a teacher…thank you for the collective gasp, ladies!). I would get tired of moving around him in the kitchen or fighting the same stupid fight that we’ve been fighting for most of our marriage or whatever. I will sometimes just blank him out. So sad.

Do I do this with that thing that God is trying to work out of me? I’ll name my thing if you name yours. Mine is selfishness…self-absorption…self-centeredness…self-focus…in whatever form you want to phrase it. If it has “self” in it, I do it. I try to get out of his way so He can have His way in me, but I’ve been like this as long as I can remember. The classic only child. The classic spoiled brat. The world revolves around me. Doesn’t everyone stop existing when I leave the room? (I don’t really still believe that, but you get the picture…) But there are huge gaps of time when I blank God out on this one. I’ll work on this tomorrow. This little thing I’m doing right now isn’t really selfish. You think I’m selfish?...what about fill-in-the-blank? So very sad.

And I can’t help but wonder if I ever just plain blank out God in general. Let’s face it. It is hard to live this life we’re trying to live. God is invisible, people! We talk out loud and in our minds to him. It could appear loco on our parts. So, are there moments, or days even, that it’s easier to just blank Him out?

You know what I’m finding? After twenty two years of trying to walk this walk, more of my life pursuing Him than not, I cannot imagine trying to get through the day without some acknowledgment of Him. I may blank God out when I’m up to no good, but I could never, ever really do that for the long haul; or even for a day. And I will always, always want to hear just a little bit more. Even if I’m tired.

Ladies, if there’s something you’re choosing to not hear or see or change or respond to…do the hard thing, the right thing, the good and pure and holy thing…ask Him to reveal it to you…fully embrace it…fight the urge to blank it out…listen and obey…and then prepare to collect your plunder. Walk the walk.

© Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2008

Submitted on : 16-Sep-2008