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Harmony

I was going over some notes that the preacher gave in service a while back and I was trying to relate them to our family. The sermon was Restoring Harmony in the Home. At first I was thinking, we are such an unique situation there won't be much here that I can use. That's when that little twinge reminded me that God's Word will not turn void. There is always something for everyone in the Bible.

Mark 3:25 (NIV) If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.

Talk about a wow. Me and my husband understand that God has to be our top priority. God is number one on the list. What we have learned is that in order for us to give our kids the best, we have to put our marriage at number two, right behind God. My husband and I have to stand together in our faith and we have to stand together in our marriage or it will fail.

There are conflicts in the home, pretty much every home has the same base of conflict:
Monetary Concerns
Expressions of sexuality
Children's Discipline
Communication
In-laws

Let's look at #1 Monetary Concerns. The kids want the newest clothes and toys, the husband wants the biggest power tools and the wife wants the newest biggest mini-van or SUV. Obviously not everybody is going to get what they want, so who sacrifices? I believe that that depends on your individual family. First off you have to figure out if these things are wants or needs. Do you need the Yukon XL fully loaded or will the nice little Caravan that you have been driving for 5 years still suit the family. Would it be cost effective to just get the existing car fixed or to get a new one? Clothes, yes kids need clothes. Do they need the $100 pair of jeans at the designer store or will the $20 pair at your local Wal-Mart be enough to keep them clothed nicely? Get creative and you can add ribbon and lace or paint and jewels to the $20 jeans to make them look like the $100 ones. Then with the power tools, alot of times there are lesser tools out there that can be used or they can be rented from your home improvement store.

To briefly look at #2, I highly recommend that if you and your spouse are having problems here, read His Needs, Her Needs by William Harley. His book will help a husband and wife connect more and learn that they each have different needs, sexually, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically.

Number 3 seems to be the one I hear about the most. “She wants to just send them in the corner when I know all it takes is a good swift swat on the rear that will work.” “He's always wanting to spank the kids and I just feel like that is being mean to the child.” Until you and your spouse sit down and talk about the way you feel on disciplining your child(ren) you are better off doing nothing. With kids from birth until they are 92, you have to be consistant. They need boundries. You and your spouse have to have house rules and consequences that you agree on. Otherwise, when a certain rule gets broken, it always has the same consequence. It may take a few days to come to an agreement on what the rules are and what the consequence for each rule is if broken, but it is what you need to do. It helps your marriage because you are working together and it helps the kids because they will get the consistancy that they need.

#4 Communication. Ever feel like you are talking to your wife or husband and its one of those old cell phones that is all static and interference? Yelling does not help, forcing your opinions won't work. What does work is both partners agreeing not to yell or get mad and discuss things rationally and be open to what the other is saying. Once you can talk to each other this way, it is easier to enforce your decisions to that head strong teen hiding in Johnny's cute little two year old face.

Last but not least, the in-laws. My suggestion? Realize that you can not change people. Be very understanding of how your spouse feelings around your parents and their parents. Also be ready to stand up for your spouse too. Once you have tied the not, you and your spouse are one. Your marriage is the second most important relationship you have being that the first is your relationship with God.

True these helps are more aimed at marriage, but if you don't have a good marriage, parenting becomes all the more difficult. Keep God first in your lives.

Submitted on : 7-Jun-2005